Practice Hard Empathy
I can’t tell you how often I have heard, “I didn’t know.” It is most often followed by, “If I had known, I would have __________ (fill in the blank).” I know you have heard this story, too. As we think about our future, we must take bold steps to be “in the know.” It is not enough to do what we do now well; it is also critical that we see suffering and strain around us and plan how we will serve these neighbors.
I recently read a New York Times article about children. The story describes the lives of several teens who are the primary caregivers for their parents who have a disability. In one story, the teen gets the mom some food for breakfast, makes sure she has her medications and leaves a cooler with food and drinks. Then, off to school, the teen goes to return and care again.
The children in the story did much more than just chores around the house. They were in charge of the house. I am trying to imagine myself as that child. I want to do well in school. I love my mom. She has been unable to find someone to care for her; maybe we don’t have enough money for that. But I am tired. Can I still dream of going to college?
I am trying to practice hard empathy. I don’t know anyone in this situation. I have never had this challenge. But it is very real and not hard to believe. We have a shortage of DSPs across all ages and disabilities.
I found this poem, which reminds me to look for what needs to be done. It reminds me that as providers, we must consider what we can and must do. This poem is about the potential for human kindness in us all.
If I Had Known
If I had known what trouble you were bearing;
What griefs were in the silence of your face;
I would have been more gentle and more caring,
And tried to give you gladness for a space.
I would have brought more warmth into the place,
If I had known.
If I had known what thoughts despairing drew you;
(Why do we never try to understand?)
I would have lent a little friendship to you,
And slipped my hand within your hand,
And made your stay more pleasant in the land,
If I had known.